"really?"

Ok, Everyone wants to know how Tobias got loose and led the security guard on a merry dash through the Charlotte Airport.  But to set the stage you have to know the story from the beginning. The theme from Gilligan's island should start playing in your head as you read this.

CHAPTER ONE  (this is a LOOOOONG post)  We got up at 4 AM Bulgarian time to get dressed and get ready to go home. We had to be at the airport at 5 Am for the flight to Munich which was leaving at 7:20 AM.  So I had all the suitcases packed and ready. Carry on bags filled with food for Talia who only eats very mashed foods and drinks from a bottle. I being the list-maker that I am had it all organized and packed according to when I thought I would be needing it. Clothes laid out and everything as ready as could be for our big travel day.  It was an early day for us because we had been sleeping in pretty much all week and just relaxing.  Everything went fairly smoothly in the taxi ride to the airport, and we had some challenges getting two large suitcases and all our carry ons and the double stroller through the large revolving door at the airport but we did it. We got our bags checked and our first two boarding passes and we made it through security with out much fuss. Shoes off, laptop out, liquids bagged and out for inspection. I had some jars of baby food for Talia which I presented and were passed through no trouble at all. We did have to take both kids out of the stroller and shoes off of them as well but it was fine no problems.  The security agents took the stroller and folded it and looked it over and then passed it through the scanner while Patience, Tobias and I stood by (Talia on my hip because she refused to stand up).  No issues.  Went through customs, paperwork processed to take two children with Bulgarian passports out of the country with only one parent. No trouble...  So we get to our gate after stopping to buy a quick breakfast munchie at the little magazine stand.  Juice for kiddo's and caffeine for Mama.  I fed Talia her cereal from the bowl I had packed and Tobias and Patience munched happily on donuts (I know bad Mama!)  But we were merry and lighthearted and we were going HOME!  So they call for boarding and I took my little kiddos to the front of the line of passengers where we were... completely ignored.  Yep. OK So I am a good sport and waiting my turn is OK. I am not one to make a big fuss and my new kids were riding contentedly in the stroller. The bags of 'must haves' hanging on the stroller handles. Then I had to check my stroller. Again expected. What I did not expect was to have to walk a good piece to get to another waiting area?  So I am hauling all our carry ons and Talia (still refusing to walk) and Patience is holding Tobias' hand in one hand and pulling a wheeled bag in the other and he wants to go places that we did not want to go. So he is pulling and Patience is dragging and I am panting and (OK little break here, It was HARD. I am not one to complain but I did end up with bruises on both forearms from the bag handles. Nuff said.)  So we finally get to board the plane and we were first! I made sure this time! I went to the front of the waiting area and stood there in front of everyone. We were already the best show playing in that waiting area. But I had put our boarding passes in my bag and didn't know our seat numbers. So we did get to the plane first but had to stop right at the plane door and put everything down so I could fish the passes out of my bag. So the passengers (God love them) walked right by us and boarded the plane ahead of us. I found the passes (My mistake in not having them in my hand to begin with though) and we waited while everyone boarded the plane.  An American man (also an adopting Dad) offered to help but he was the last passenger because his wife and child had already boarded...  (I am not making a statement about Europeans or Bulgarians or Germans here. It just happened that the only person to offer to help me was American.) So I stood there until a stewardess finally came and asked if she could help.  I handed this tiny woman several heavy bags and smiled.  She in turn got another stewardess (wait I think they are called flight attendants now...) to carry our bags to our seats.  I let them figure out where to stow the bags because all the bins were full and I sat my self down with Tobias in the window seat and Talia on my right side. Patience was across the aisle.  By this time I was sweating but my breathing was back to near normal.  Tobias did NOT like seat belts and quickly figured out how to unbuckle it. Talia sat in her seat and started to bounce her head against the back of the seat but she was quiet. By quiet I  mean NOT going AAAAAAAAAAA.  Talia makes a noise. I am not sure why and the staff at her center said she does it when she is upset but really she does it whenever. I have seen her do it while playing and smiling.  More about the noise later...  So I thought IF I can keep my hand on Toby's seat belt latch and IF Talia will keep quiet we will be OK. That was until the plane started to move. Then the screaming started... I am talking full throat terror screams that would be great in any horror flick... and Praise God it was coming from the seat behind us! It was NOT MY KIDS!  (Note... I am not happy that the child behind us was so terrified but I was SO HAPPY that the disturbance was NOT MY KIDS!) Relief washed over me and I give Patience a thumbs up! Couldn't talk to her because I couldn't hear her over the screaming.  Ahhh peace.  The screaming did stop and the child fell asleep. Talia was quiet and she bounced all the way to Munich. Toby ate complimentary bread and looked out the window and played with the seat tray in front of him. He even briefly let me let go of the seat belt latch.  It went fine. Turns out the child behind us was a little girl just adopted and scared. Her parents (the Man who offered to help) didn't know ANY words in Bulgarian to calm her and they were so happy when I gave them a printed copy of "Bulgarian Phrases for Children".  (I had several copies). So I was able to say Thank You to them in that way.  One Flight down... Just Two to go!

CHAPTER TWO  We land in Germany and I discover to my annoyance that Talia's pull up had leaked.  yaaaaa its great to be me right now.  OK, I had packed puppy pads for just such an occasion. See, I told you I am super organized! Too bad I hadn't put one under her for that flight. Oh well, live and learn.  So we waited for the handicapped transport to come and shuttle us to the next gate because I had let the airline know when we checked in that I would be needing assistance. GOOD IDEA! Thank you Denise for the suggestion! It was awesome. We had a wheel chair but didn't need it and a handsome German man led us all the way to our next gate.  He took us to the front of the ticket line and helped us pass through security. He was very good natured and Tobias took right to him and he even let Tobias play (briefly) with his walkie -talkie!  That was until Toby figured out how to work it. Took about 5 seconds as I recall.  He even took it well when Tobias reached up and tried to pick his pockets!  So we got to our gate with plenty of time and I was finally able to change Talia's pull up. (Mental note to self... Diapers hold more liquid and fit tighter than pull ups)  Too bad I only had pull ups. I consoled myself with the thought that it could have been worse... It was only pee and I was wearing black polyester type pants.  Unless the other passengers could smell no one would ever know! The important thing is that Talia was now clean and fresh and looked lovely in outfit number two that I was so glad I packed!  So I tried using two pull ups which really made Tally girl look more proportionate because she has no hiney to speak of. I will fatten her up in time but now her pants are what is holding her size 2-3 T pull ups on. Just so you know two pullups are NOT better than one.  So at our departure gate I walked to the front of the pack early. About a half hour early and I took my stand. This time I was ready... This time I planned to be in the first few passengers to board!  Right before boarding a man showed up with a wheel chair to assist us.  Turns out that the only way to put it in the computer that a passenger has requested assistance boarding is to check the "wheelchair" option.  Since we didn't need a wheelchair another very nice (and handsome) German man led us right to the plane door! Thank You Again Denise for the tip! We boarded and were seated before we even saw the other passengers coming in. Ahhh ready for a nice relaxing flight....  Except for the HURRICANE.

CHAPTER THREE   Yes, the Hurricane. Hurricane Irene. Which made landfall in the Carolinas hours before we are due to land in Charlotte North Carolina.  The pilot said the storm was not as serious as the news was saying and that since Charlotte was inland a ways it would be no trouble.  This bird was flying and since the airport was not closed... Off we go into the wild blue yonder!  Honestly I was not worried.  God looks after me that way!  So Patience wanted to sit by Talia and I HAD to sit by Tobias for security we were lined up in the middle section Talia on the aisle, Patience, Tobias then me on the other aisle.  Passengers loaded and we were ready.  Then it started slowly and began to build aaaaaAaaaAAaaaAAAAA!  Oh no, not now... The day had gone so smoothly so far.... (the hysterical laughter in my head right then was ALMOST as loud as Talia was!)  So I got out the sedative which was prescribed for her just in case this happened. I hated using it. I didn't want to use it. I waited, maybe she would stop.   Nope. She was not stopping. So I leaned over Toby and Patience and with a bottle of apple juice as a chaser I managed to get the tiny pill into her mouth and offer her the juice but No, now she was MAD. She refused the juice. Tally, please baby drink your juice. Mommy is so sorry for this.  Nope. She was not taking it but she was not making the noise either. This was very hard for me because I was working earnestly to earn her trust and now she was just plain MAD at me.  I had to sit down in my seat because the seat belt sign was on but all in my little row was fairly quiet as we sailed through the sky toward home.  It was about twenty minutes later when Patience whispers well hissed really "MOM LOOK!"  I looked at my sweet new daughter who had never swallowed that pill and now looked like a rabid dog with foam all over her mouth.  With my heart in my mouth and foam all over Talia's I told Patience that we were switching seats... "Yes now" and I climbed over Tobias and Patience to get to Talia.  She was not mad at me anymore and she smiled up at me through the foam.  I loved her more at that moment than ever and I decided right then and there that I would never give her that stuff again. I popped out a diaper wipe and cleaned her little face and yes, now she wanted to take that bottle of apple juice. Now don't get mad at me for trying to use the medication. You were not there and you have probably never heard that noise. The meds were only prescribed after she did the 'aaaAAAAAAA' for the entire medical check up two days earlier.  The doctor asked me if she ever entered into contact with us. He was probably thinking she was majorly Autistic. She is not. She smiles and looks me in the eyes all the time. She seeks contact with us. She plays with us. Plus it was helpful that the doctor knew who I was and more importantly who SHE was. He had seen us on TV.  Bulgarian news covered it when I picked Talia up from the center. Yes Talia is sort of a UNICEF celebrity.  Google "Natalia" and "UNICEF" together and you will see an article all about my daughter and the horrors she has been through.  It explains a lot about why she makes that noise and has no hiney.  It is very telling that my 9 year old girl still drinks from a bottle and eats her food very mashed. Yes, she has down syndrome but that is only part of who she is. What she has been through has had an effect on her. (You are probably thinking Hey, where is the funny stuff...  Well this part isn't funny. Deal)

CHAPTER FOUR    So remember that pull ups don't hold as much as diapers? Remember that Talia is drinking apple juice by the bottle in my attempt to keep her from making the noise? Well if you put those facts together you can see where this flight is going!  This time though in the 3 minutes I had before all the passengers boarded I DID get a puppy pad under Talia.  She had on two fresh pull ups!  It had been about an hour since we had taken off and I noticed that the puppy pad was in the floor. How? Ahh the constant rocking/bouncing (Sincere apology to the man sitting behind her. I am sure having your little TV screen bounce every second made that movie less entertaining but I pick  my battles and I was keeping her quiet. Quiet AND still was just too much to ask.)   The puppy pad was down there with the books and the little pillow and the toy that the flight attendant had given her. I checked her bottom just to reassure myself that she was dry and my  intention was to sit back and enjoy the quiet except she was not dry... She was very wet.  So I dug through her bag for a clean pull up and a pair of pants. Wait no, the forth pair of pants were in the bag in the overhead bin. Ok so I really wanted her to have the third pair of pants clean for our landing. They matched her USA flag shirt that I wanted her to wear as we entered the GREAT USA!  Oh well, live and learn. So what if everyone in our area saw Miss Skinny legs in her pull up. I headed to the potty with a pull up, a pack of wipes and my girl who was literally dripping.  This is where it gets ridiculous and incredulous.  I am writing this in a funny way but I am not padding the actual facts.  I am not joking when I tell you that I changed her pull up only to feel her dripping on my foot from her just changed pull up seconds later.  She peed again. I only brought one pull up to the loo. What to do?  I carried my still dripping daughter back to our seats and used the puppy pad to sit her on while I got another pull up and went back to the rest room.  I am not sure why I bothered with the pad since the seat was already wet and she was wet...  This happened several times as I watched my planned supply of pull ups dwindle.  As it turned out the children I adopted don't need to sleep.  We were well into the flight when my own natural inclination to sleep in cars and planes began to lull me into a sleepy state and Talia was quiet. She was wide awake but quiet but I really didn't have to worry much about her because all she might do is pee on the seat and that was already taken care of. Toby on the other hand can run.  He was being so good and I had taken him to the potty twice and he too was wide awake and kicking the seat in front of him which thankfully was empty. He played with the tray table and messed with the TV screen which didn't entertain him at all because he would not keep the head phones on. I put them on him several times and he could hear the sounds but as soon as I would let go off the head phones came.  I was plum tuckered but could not allow myself to sleep lest my son climb over Patience (who slept through most of this) and run loose through the air craft.  I really shouldn't have worried because the same little girl who screamed from Bulgaria to Munich was also on this plane and she actually did get away from her new parents and came and visited us for a little while until her new Dad found her. I might have gotten up and tried to find them (the parents) but I had no idea where they were sitting and would have had to take all three little Bulgarians to go looking.  So I helped them by simply keeping her with me till she was 'found'.  She was a beautiful sweet little girl.  Ok, so we finally got to the final hour or so of our flight and remember the Hurricane?   The ride got bumpy. Ok so bumpy is not bad and the kids had no idea why it was bumpy. I knew.  Prayer is a very good thing on a long flight  don't you think?  Actually the hurricane didn't really effect our flight that much except the "fasten seat belt" sign kept coming on which interrupted my trips to the bathroom.   I kept through diligence Talia dry and clean. Toby was much easier to manage potty wise but he too drank a LOT of apple juice and water.  About an hour before we were to land I decided to take my little man for one last potty run and to change him into his USA garb and wonder of wonders he had fallen asleep.  WOW, I marveled at how long these children had been awake and now he was asleep.  Well the potty can wait a bit.  I didn't actually smell anything until we were about 15 minutes from landing and I tried to wake him up. He is a very deep sleeper.  I think he may have pooped.  Quick check and affirmative Houston we have a problem. I needed to get him to the bathroom.  Darn turbulence!  "Ok Ok", I assured the flight attendant "I will stay in my seat" but trouble was brewing and the hurricane was not it. We landed in Charlotte.  We were on US Soil! Thank You JESUS! Could anything spoil my joy?  Diarrhea leaking out of a blue pull up might spoil a trip for some people but not me.  So we waited till all the passengers got off the plane and I told Patience to stay put with Talia "I will be right back"!  Off to visit the facilities one last time...  It was messier than I expected. Toby is very helpful and he tried to help me. Somehow some of it got on his hands and then some got somewhere on my person. I never did find out where it was... I washed my hands thoroughly but I still smelled it all the way home. Lets not dwell on that though the important thing is that Toby was fresh and clean. I used the last remaining wipes to clean him up and dressed him in his USA outfit.  The tiny trash can thingy was full of dirty pull ups or something ??? So the nastiest pull up of all was left on the counter.  Dear Lufthansa, I regret to inform you that... No writing is so impersonal.  I did inform the flight attendant that the Baker family had fouled two seats on row 52 and that I was very sorry for what had occurred in the corner stall.  She said and I quote "don't worry about it at all, Ma'am and I hope you enjoyed your flight". Um OK,  There was that hysterical laughter in my head again like a tiny personal PA system just for me.  I actually followed that flight attendant out of the aircraft and she didn't tell anyone.  She had her little rolly carry on and was chatting with her friends and to my knowledge the accidents of row 52 were never reported or cleaned and that's all I have to say about that. 

CHAPTER FIVE      We were the last passengers to leave the plane and it took a few minutes for us to find the elevator to get down to Immigration. Doesn't the word Immigration just sound fun?  Wow and boy was it ever!  I found the LONG line for non citizens and the shorter line for citizens and decided to go that route.  I am after all a citizen of the USA!  The lines were both very long. Think Kings Island at peak season with out the ride at the end.   I got to chat with several people while in line. No, they are not twins and yes It was a long flight.  Finally with  my unopened packets of immigration documents in hand I get to the man at the desk. The Gatekeeper of the USA was a tad grumpy.  Maybe it was because I didn't fill out that "other" form.  I filled out the one for citizens and only one has to be filled out per family. Not MY family and we needed to fill both out.  Ok I am sorry, my mistake. Then I wrote on top of the line and not under it. "Ma'am, you have to fill the form out exactly..." Ok, I can do this my inner cheerleader chanted.  My brain felt foggy.  The man started looking through the kids passports and stood up and looked over the counter at my children. He then looked at me and I said "it has been a very long flight and I am sorry". Like the light of dawn as it slides over the horizon... grumpy was gone and  a gentle grandpa helped me fill out the forms.  He gave me a card and told  me to collect our baggage and give the card to the officer at the end of the hall.  So we found our luggage and it was easy because everyone else had gone.  We proceeded to the "officer" who directed us to leave our luggage and sit in this little room until called.  Did I tell you that Talia had not pooped all day long?  Nope, all pee until now.  No problem I will change her as soon as I get out of here. Shouldn't be long.   La La La waiting... La La  Its a good thing we had 3 and a half hours between flights.  Well the bathroom incident took a while and the line in immigration was long and we still had an hour till our flight....   La la. names called. Other people leave the smelly room. (well, it was smelly NOW!)  So finally I pushed my way to the front of the room where anxious foreign people waited to be admitted to the US. Talia helped me out here because she was my personal siren AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  And I was about to ask the armed security guard where I could change her when our officer stepped up to say that we could get our bags and proceed.  Whew! I now had about 15 minutes to recheck our bags and get our last boarding passes printed because the Lady in Sofia could only print the first two (Hurricane and possible airport closure) get through security and make it to our gate. The superchick who printed the boarding passes said we could make it if we ran...   Then we began what can only be called a triathlon toward the next gate.  We can make it! We can make it!  Now I will make a small confession here... Until this point I had held myself together very well. Patting myself on the back this was the final lap and we were SO CLOSE!  Patience and I made a valiant effort. RUN, ELEVATOR, RUN.  We were faster than the tram. We zipped by several parked at various points along our route.  I still had not even called Mike to tell him Mama Bear and Cubs were stateside, Talia sounded the siren, Tobias waved as we pushed through the people... then we came to the security check point...  And this dear reader is what you have been waiting for... The climax to this thrilling tale...

CHAPTER SIX   Security check point. No big deal. We are experienced. Shoes are off in flash. I frantically pulled my laptop out of my carry on and crammed things in bins. One eye on my purse the other on my kids... Watch comes off and is popped in to the bin...  So far so good.  Time to take the kids out of the stroller.  Tobias is out, Talia is out.  "I am sorry Patience, I know she is wet, no its not all pee... deal! OK!"  I took a breath and took a step toward the Electronic Arch.... Tobias has already passed through... He is running circles on the other side of the security station. Patience steps through the arch with Talia...  "EXCUSE ME MA'AM!!  YOU have to collapse the stroller and feed it through the scanner..."  The command barely registered to my frenzied brain... The guard stepped forward... Was his hand on his holster???  Five of them standing around but they are not letting me through until I comply...  Ok, Quick glance tells me that Patience is standing barefoot holding Talia just on the other side of the metal detector.  A gloved agent is telling Tobias to go back to his Mommy and he did come over to shout something in Bulgarian to me from the other side of the belt as I violently shoved and crammed the stroller into the machine. It hung (of course). Yaaa me.  Then my son waved and may have even blown me a kiss I am not sure as he shot off like a deer in the forest through the Charlotte International Airport.  The gloved agent is a lady who I can tell you did not go out for track in high school because she was the slowest gal in her class. It would help if she would drop her hands to her sides and make fists. She is running on her toes too... I mused as I watched helplessly.  So the stroller finally lurches into the machine and I bolt through the human scanner and since Patience runs faster than me I snatch Talia and say "Sissy! Go get him!"  We can still see them but they are getting smaller...  Ok let your breath out! The agent caught him when he slowed to wave at people in a tram and with her official gloved hands... she grabbed him. Panting they returned and she explained that they are not supposed to touch the children.... Well then let someone else feed strollers through the machine so Mama's can 'touch' the children. I didn't say it but I thought it.  No time to teach these people their job I had to get home!

CHAPTER SEVEN  We missed our flight.  I cried (just a little) and called Mike. Since the delay was not our fault we got booked for the next flight to Lexington no charge. I got Talia and Tobias cleaned up to meet their Daddy. We got a cinna-bun and we were so tired we couldn't eat it. The flight home was very quiet. it was dark outside and I realized on the plane that we had been awake for 24 hours straight and the kids had barely slept at all. Patience had slept and Tobias caught about an hour on the long flight. Talia and I had not slept at all.  Patience and Tobias curled up together and dozed. Talia and I flew silently together. She looked out the window and bounced.  I wish I could say that when we landed in Lex. our misadventures were over.  We walked from one end of Lex to the other and found to our unhappy surprise (who hooo) two small sized revolving doors and an emergency door in the center. The sign clearly stated that it was an EMERGENCY ONLY EXIT and alarms would sound if opened. What do the makers and posters of signs consider an Emergency? So how do I get the double stroller through that little revolving door? I am literally feet from Mike and Hugs and Comfort and all this being over... So I let Patience stand with the stroller and I took our carry on bags through the revolving door. I sat them down and turned to go back in to get the kids and alarms started sounding and the revolving doors stopped. Where is the sign that says you can't go back in???  A very kind older man who looked like he had had a great day as well said "You want me to bring them out?" in sign through the glass. "YES!!! CAN YOU?" and you know he got that stroller through that little revolving door and to this day I believe it was a miracle!  We then walked the few steps to the elevator, rode down and when the doors opened there was my Zacky poo and My Mike!  Relief, finally... HOME!  Mike said "hi" to the kids and we got our bags that had not missed the flight and had been riding the belt for several hours and went to the truck. Wow! It felt great to be home!  Mike talked a little to each child and when he held our new daughter for the very first time... She was wet.  I just smiled and said "really?"